Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
