Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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