Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
