it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
