If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
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My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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