I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
