i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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