What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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