That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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