mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
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your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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