Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
