im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
