The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
