i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
