We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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