You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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