I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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