He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
