In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The air taste purple.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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