Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
honey bunches of taint.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
