i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize