I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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