So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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