My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
