feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
