Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
