Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
