I want to walk on stilts...naked
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
