Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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