Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
