At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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