If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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