My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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