you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
