I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sarcasm needs its own font
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
