Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Damn victory sex feels great
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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