is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
