were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
