8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
