i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize