I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
