don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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