Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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