I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
