I must be too annoying 4 u.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
