So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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