My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
