Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
