lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
