She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
