3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
look no pants
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
