he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
