You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
