omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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