It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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