your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job