Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.