how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dating After Heartbreak
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.