i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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