Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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