I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
