careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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