Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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