i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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