Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
