I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize