Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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