the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
