is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
