I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
