I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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