Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
