I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Please don't give away my fajitas
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
